A couple of years ago, I listened to the audio book Marley & Me. I bawled like a baby through the entire last CD. Why? Because I knew that the end of the story would be when Marley died. Because all dogs die... and because I knew that my dog would die too. And probably sooner, rather than later. I cried because I understood the agonizing decision that I will someday have to make about putting my dog out of his suffering.
Almost 2 weeks ago we found ourselves making that hard decision. We knew our dogs life was coming to a close and we didn't want to have to take him to the vet until we were prepared to relieve him of his suffering. We scheduled the vet visit after a particularly difficult afternoon of pain and whimpering from the dog. I just couldn't take it anymore. Home treatments weren't working and the last pain scrip the vet had given us for him was long expired.
We ended up postponing the inevitable while the vet tested for valley fever and gave us some pain meds that would not only help him be more comfortable, but also determine if his problem was caused by a muscle issue. Those would be the treatable options. But, as I knew deep down in my gut, it wasn't going to be something easy to treat. We still don't know exactly what the problem is, but my gut instinct tells me it's bone cancer.
We still have a week or two of pain meds left (depending how much of a dose he can live with), and then it will be time to make the big decisions. I don't think it's going to be something we can or will be able to treat. We could possibly keep him alive longer on strong pain meds, but really who does that serve? Not him. It's time to say good-bye. I am resigned to it. I think I am ready. I know it's going to tear me to pieces, but it has to come someday... dogs don't live forever. And I have a firm belief that Moreno will be waiting for us in Heaven, tumor-and-ear-infection-free. And that knowledge makes me happy.
My bigger anxiety is about the kids. The last time we went to the vet, Taylor point-blank asked me if Moreno was going to be coming home from the visit. I couldn't lie to him. I told him I didn't know for sure what was going to happen. I've never seen my 15 year old son fall apart like that. He was torn up. My heart ached for him. It's going to be even harder when it really happens. Do I prepare him again? Give him a chance to say good-bye? Or do we not tell the kids until it's over? Save them the anxiety of knowing what is happening?
I could really benefit from some wisdom from all you veteran dog owners out there. What's the best way to break the news to the kids? Help... the clock is ticking... and time is not in my favor.
7 comments:
My first instinct was to yes, tell the kids, give them a chance to say goodbye but not until a couple days before. Then I thought I don't know, but it's never good to be surprised in a bad way. I would honestly talk to Taylor, tell him first and ask him what you should do about the other kids, he will know. He's older but still will know what the other kids feel like and what's best for them. That's my advice
Oh Christy. I am so sorry that you are facing this decision. I had never owned a dog until the dog that Iver and I had together. We had a dog at home (with my parents) and they put him down after I left for college. That was hard and yet I easy if that makes sense. I felt robbed that I didn't get to say goodbye and relieved that I didn't have to know it was happening. Iver and I had to put our dog down 5 years ago -- I had never seen anything die or dead at that point in my life. It was a very good and important experience for me. I'd say at Taylor's age, I'd encourage him to go with you to have Moreno put down. We were fortunate to have a vet that makes house calls so Sierra was able to die here where she was most comfortable. Seeing her gently go to sleep after being in pain was such a good feeling. Super sad but good. I think it would be a good thing for him. That's my 2 cents worth, having no kids of my own. I wish you peace in your decision. I think it's such a gift that we can do this for our dear canine friends.
Janine
Not being a dog owner but knowing your kids well and loving them like my own...I would tell the kids, prepare them for what is happening to Moreno, and it gives you a great reason to talk about forever families and the afterlife. Just like you need closure, the kids need it too. Moreno has grown up with them. Maybe do a photo shoot with the kids and Moreno and even the whole family so that you can all refer back to the pics when they are sad.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I love you all!!!
Honesty is the best and when you read mine, Moreno is already in heaven. You made the right decision and he won't be in pain anymore. I think this is the hardest part with kids. It's fun to get the puppy, it's really hard to say goodbye to the older dog. We love you and send you all hugs.
Christy, I'm so sorry. I just saw that your fb status said he has gone the way that all dogs do. It's truly amazing the way that dogs become a part of the family and it really is heartbreaking when they go. I wish I had some great words of wisdom, but it's just one of those things that only time and prayer can heal. I hope your family is handling it well. I haven't had to be the parent in a situation like that. I think that would make it even more tough because you have to try to be strong and help ease the pain of the people you love most in the world. You can do it! You're amazing!
Im sorry, i got to this a few days late...Im sorry you and your family had to go through this. It is a sad thing, I will be sending happy thoughts your way....
This post just breaks my heart all over again. Isn't it amazing how they touch our lives so much? We know that they don't live as long as we do, we form this unbreakable attachment to them, and yet, we still subject ourselves to the inevitable pain that we will feel once they are gone. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I couldn't imagine a life without Ender, Val or Bean. I miss Ender every day, and am still so heart broken over it. I am so sorry about Moreno. I know that he's in Heaven waiting for you. Like I said on FB, maybe he and Ender are keeping each other company until we get their. Love you!
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