Now What?

Last week I registered my last born child for Kindergarten. All. Day. Kindergarten.

I have waited for this day for 5 years. The first day of school is July 26, 2010.

I have been a stay at home mom for 14 years. I've worked a few odd jobs on the side over that time, but all self-employment type stuff. No one has given me a real or consistent paycheck in 14 years.

I also haven't been in school for almost 17 years. Except for 1 class I took in 1998 at a local community college in San Jose. It was a black and white photography class. This was before the mainstream public went digital. I still have very fond memories of my time during that 4 months in the darkroom creating art. Or at least, trying to create art. I started a second class after that first one, but dropped out a couple weeks into it because we decided to move 30 miles away. Definitely too far to commute for a photo night class.

In 2002, Eric went back to school to get his MBA. For 3 1/2 years I supported him in that venture, including being at times what felt like a single parent, or at other times editing his papers and proofreading projects. It was like being in school, but not really getting anything out of it. When he graduated, he said to me something like, "Ok, now it's your turn. I have what I want. When you are ready to go back to school, just let me know."

After enduring his return to school while keeping a full time job, I didn't want to think about textbooks or term papers ever again. I've never regretted my decision not to pursue a degree higher than my AA. Other demands on my time were more pressing, and I hadn't really decided what I wanted to "do" anyway. I did not want to waste time going to school for a major that I wasn't passionate about.

Now that Brayden starting Kindergarten is so close and finally tangible, I am really kinda freaking out. What on earth am I going to do with myself while the kids are at school?

I do have some goals. I have projects that have been on the back burner for years that I want to accomplish. I could step up my volunteer time at the school now that I won't need a babysitter for every time I go over there.

I could get a job. Not that I don't want to have a job, but I don't want to get a job, just to have one. I'm confident that made no sense at all. I don't want to be a slave to someone else's schedule just because I feel like I need to get a job. And if I am going to work, I want to pick a place that I love. And I haven't really come up with any great ideas. And even if I had a great place in mind, I'm sure they wouldn't hire me right now because of the bad economy.

I also could go back to school. I've actually thought a lot about that possibility. But what would I major in? And then would I actually use said degree when I was done? Two careers that interest me are Photography and Interior Design... but I don't really see myself as going full board professional in either of those things later on. I don't want to become a career wife/mom just because my kids are in school. I still want to be available to volunteer at the school, or watch track meets, or go to band concerts.

I guess I am going through a mid-life crisis of sorts. I feel like there is a big change coming my way and I don't really know what to do with it. I don't want to spend my first year of freedom wasting away on the couch watching Oprah and eating bon-bons. (Oh wait, I hate Oprah....) I feel like I need to have some kind of plan or I will waste the time. And I don't like the idea of sitting around wasting time. I feel like I need to be "doing" something... even if it is small.

So, don't be surprised if you see lots of blogs coming from my corner of the Internet trying to come up with some ideas... brainstorming posts... if you will. Any and all feedback will be appreciated. And if you have any great ideas about what I can do with my new "grown-up life", please let me know. I'm open to almost anything at this point... well except belly dancing or professional fundraising. I do have my limits, you know.

Book Review...

I was really excited when I heard Shannon Hale had written another adult novel. So far, I'd read 4 SH novels and loved them all.... even the one that I didn't think I would like going into it. I've developed a certain "crush" on SH.... and I was starting to think I'd love anything she wrote. Then I read the premise of her newest novel, The Actor and the Housewife.... WHAT was she THINKING?!?! Here's the summary, taken straight from Shannon's own website:

Mormon housewife Becky Jack is seven months pregnant with her fourth child when she meets celebrity heartthrob Felix Callahan. A few hours, one elevator ride, and one alcohol-free dinner later, something has happened, though nothing has happened...it isn't sexual. It isn't even quite love. But soon Felix shows up in Salt Lake City to visit and before they know what's hit them, Felix and Becky are best friends--talk-on-the-phone, drop-everything-in-an-emergency, laugh-out-loud-at-stupid-jokes best friends.

Becky's loving and devoted husband, Mike, is mostly unconcerned. Her children roll their eyes. Her large extended family and neighbors gossip endlessly. But Felix and Becky have something special... something unusual, something that seems from the outside--and sometimes from the inside too--completely impossible to sustain.

On the surface, Becky's story of a steadfast housewife and the handsome star is the ultimate romantic fantasy. But the depth of emotion that Shannon Hale shows us in Becky is the strength that underpins only the strongest relationships. It is what makes this story resonate beyond the glitter of Felix's movie-stardom to the deeper understanding of the kinds of true love we all dream of having.

Shannon Hale has created a magical and often hilarious story that explores what might happen when your not-so-secret celebrity crush walks right into real life, and changes everything.

I am also a Mormon Housewife, and have some real strong opinions about book plots like these. I've been known to stop reading a novel and take it back to the library when I was uncomfortable with the lines being crossed in the plot. I am a fairly "liberal" reader (by LDS standards), and tolerate probably far more "ick" than I should, but marital infidelity is one thing I won't read about. The minute the main character is walking down that road, no matter how unhappy their current marriage is, or how justified the situation might seem, I will close the book and walk away.

With that in mind, I doubted whether or not I could read this book, and like it. I doubted whether or not I could still respect Shannon Hale when it was all over. I doubted whether or not I could finish it. I had nervous butterflies when I thought about reading it. One part of me was dying to read it and see how she made this story work, the other part of me was terrified that I would be so unhappy with how she made this story work. Does that make sense?

So, a few months ago, (yes, months!) I put this book on hold on the libary website. I waited paitently as I was #16 in line to read it. It took a long time to get to the top of the line, but when I finally did, I realized it was time to just read it and get it over with.

So I began reading.... and instantly was drawn to the main character, Becky Jack. (Although I was never in love with the name Becky... does anyone go by that name anymore???) She was grounded, likable and witty. Oh so witty. Each night for several nights while the family sat on the couch mesmerized by the Olympics, I would multi-task... read the book and occasionally look up to watch the Olympics when it was something really great or exciting.

I've always wondered how I would act if I ran into a celebrity that falls into the category of Felix Callahan. My list of celebs like him would include Colin Firth, Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor , Daniel Craig and Christian Bale. Geee... I really like the British ones, don't I? I know for sure that I wouldn't have the guts to "spar" with any celebrity like Becky Jack did. And I loved her for it. I think her gutsy personality is what drew me into the story. That girl was a typical Mormon housewife in the suburbs, but she had spunk.

But then I committed the ultimate crime: about 100 pages in, unsure of where this was still going, I peeked at the last page. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. I know better than to peek at the last page. I never read the last page first. But given the subject matter, I just had to know... ya know? Of course, reading the last few lines of the story was a mistake, as it always is, because I didn't get a true picture of the ending based on those last few lines.

I won't say how the book ends, but I will say that I felt completely satisfied with the ending. It actually could have ended two or three different ways and I would have been satisfied. I think that speaks volumes about SH's abilities.

I just gave this book 5 stars on good reads. I rarely give a book 5 stars. I have to really LOVE it to give it 5 stars. This one was more on a 4.5 level, but I decided to be generous and round up. The things I loved most about this book is how it made me feel and analyze my own life. I have a lot in common with Becky Jack and I found myself comparing myself to her more than once. How would I handle the same situation she was in? I started reading this book hesitantly... ready to abandon it at any moment and flee for the hills if I didn't like where it was headed... yet, I kept reading... and kept reading, even though the lines to be crossed were often blurry and unclear. When I got to page 256, and an event occurs that changes Becky's life forever, I started sobbing. And I mean, SOBBING. NEVER... never have I had such an intense emotional reaction to a book. At that point, I realized how well SH had done her job. I was so invested in the characters of this book, that I felt like Becky's heartaches and triumphs were mine as well. The remaining 80 pages were read with Kleenex in hand as I laughed and cried through the story. At times, I was crying so hard that I couldn't read the words.

This book was incredibly thought provoking. It made me think about the value of friendships. My friendship with my husband, my friends, both male and female, and also with my kids. It made me wonder whether or not I could have a man as a BFF. It made me think about a lot of things, including motherhood. Since the book spans 11 years, there is ample time to watch Becky and her children grow up. Time to see how they all change and grow together. I finished this book 24 hours ago, but I still can't stop thinking about it. Another sign of a 5 star book.

So there's my review... go get the book. Get in the queue at the library now (it's a long line... to many Mormon housewives and not enough copies for this town!)

And trust me, DON'T read the last page first. No matter how much you are tempted. Just trust me. Now that I know and understand the ending, I want to read it again... but I am going to wait a bit. Another emotional breakdown which will likely happen again wouldn't be good for me twice in one week. (Just thinking about those scenes makes me get teary eyed... and it's fiction for crying out loud!)

And I'd love to hear the perspective from a non-mormon housewife. I'm curious to see how much the religion aspect of the book may have swayed my opinion. So, if you've read it, speak up... I'm dying to hear another opinion on the book, even if you hated it. I promise I won't bite!

A Belated Birthday Post

Megan turned 13 on Sunday. It was somewhat anti-climatic, as all Sunday birthdays are, when you are LDS. (Dang that "Keep the Sabbath Day Holy" rule....kidding... kidding...) She had her party a whole week prior to her birthday because she wanted to go to a specific movie and see it on opening weekend. With the assistance of my mom, we took 8 12 year old girls to the movies to see The Lightning Thief. All the other moms kept saying how "brave" I was to attempt such an adventure. Truth be told, it was the easiest party I've ever hosted. We went first thing on a Saturday morning before the theater got busy, and the girls were so well behaved. After the movie we drove them back to my house for pizza and cake. Again, the girls were wonderful. I'll take this group over some 10 year old boys any day!

We didn't have Megan's gift in time for her friend party, so we told her she would have to wait until the next weekend. I spent the week trying to order her gift on ebay and prayed it would make it to our house in time for Sunday. It arrived Saturday afternoon. HALLELUJAH! Eric and I were so giddy to have it a day early (problems with ebay had made it unlikely she would get her gift on time), that we gave it to her on Saturday afternoon. We didn't wrap it or anything. We plugged it in, activated it and hid it under her pillow. Then we sent her to her room to get something and it started ringing! Under her pillow was the gift she was so excited about. She had a babysitting job in an hour, and that would be the perfect opportunity to program in all her contacts, etc. On birthdays, it's a tradition to go out to eat. Since we couldn't do that on a Sunday, I cooked her favorite dinner at home and Megan picked Texas Roadhouse for dinner. It's fast becoming one of our favorites. The food is delicious... they have something on the menu for everyone, and it's pretty cheap. Out the door it was $62 for a family of six (with 4 adult meals), and we brought home leftovers!

We are so lucky to have Megan in our family. She handles having three brothers extremely well, and loves being a big sister. She's talented in many ways... she loves to draw, play her flute and she has a beautiful singing voice too. She is kind and loving to everyone she meets. The night before she turned 13, I asked her if she was going to wake up the next morning and decide she didn't like me anymore. She looked at me in astonishment, shook her head "no" and gave me a huge hug. And she stayed true to her word. I love this girl!

President's Day Adventure

Last Monday, for Presidents Day, we headed to the mountains. There is a place just north of downtown Flagstaff that we love to visit, called Wing Mountain. For $10 a car, you get organized parking, groomed sledding hills, porta potties, and a concession stand. It's a great set-up and worth the 3 hour drive.Taylor and Ian got quite good at "snowboarding" down the hills standing up in the sleds. This kid has no fear. Literally. He had so much fun. It was so cute to watch how happy he was playing in the snow. Perhaps the Olympic Skeleton Race will be in his future? Look at that form!

When we took our lunch break, we went off to a flat, forested area on the other side of the parking lot and had the whole area to ourselves. The kids got into a giant snow war with Eric and my Dad. And Megan and Brayden worked on making a snow family.

Brayden attacking my mom with snow balls.

This is a snowman we found. He looked like a one legged bum smoking a cigar. We gave him a new leg and a face lift... much better!I LOVE this picture of my dad. My mom had just nailed him in the face with a snowball. He threw so many snowballs at the boys that he had some "pitcher's elbow" like pains later on.And the secret to staying dry? Having "I'm holding the Camera!!!" immunity.

It ended up being a great day despite the few setbacks... like me losing my car keys while we were loading the car. I had them when I went out to start loading, and lost them sometime after that. While the car sat on the driveway and we looked for my keys, the battery ran down and died. So after we gave up the key hunt, we couldn't even start it because it was dead. Thank goodness for Uncle Craig's battery charger Christmas gift all those many moons ago. When we got there, we lost track of Megan and Ian for a while, but they were eventually found. And when we left, we had to be jumped again because of the stupid battery. I am going to have to get a new one very soon. But, minor annoyances aside, it was a great day. Everyone stayed warm and dry. No one had a meltdown and no major injuries. I'm seriously thinking about making a second run with the kids during spring break... that's how much fun we had!

I Need a Dummies Book for my Dummies Book...

Back in November, when Eric got me my new Camera, the Nikon D90, he also got me this book to go with it. It has been a lifesaver. Of course, it's 350 pages thick of tips, tricks and how-to's... and you can only swallow it in small increments or you will never be able to remember anything you read.

I spent another couple of hours working in my Photoshop Elements program today. I made a new blog header, using a picture of my kids taken at a park (which had a very noisy background that I ended up hating) and layering it onto a picture of some greenery, that I believe my parents took while vacationing in Alaska. I hope they don't mind me stealing the photo for my artistic experimentation...

I've been using this book to help me learn more about Photoshop Elements (PSE). It's not easy, even with a Dummies book. I'm not entirely sure it's their fault, because PSE has a reputation for not being user friendly, but sometimes I feel like I need a dumbed down version of the dummies book. It gets a little bit maddening and my head starts to swim after a while, so I can only do this in small doses.

As I was debating whether or not to invest the money in this book (instead of eternally borrowing the library's copy, which I can't take notes in or mark up the pages,) I went onto amazon to read the reviews. And I am thinking about purchasing this book instead. It gets better reviews than the dummies counterpart. I think this will merit a trip to the local bookstore so I can peruse through both books side by side to see which one will be the winner.

The maddening thing about getting back into Photography after a 10 year hiatus is that so much has changed. Digital has taken over everything, even though my photography teacher at SJCC swore digital would never be as good as film. I wonder if she ever changed her mind about that.

So not only do I have to learn how to use a complex camera that has about 300 more shooting options than my first SLR (the Pentax ME Super), but I also have to learn how to edit photos on the computer using some form of Photoshop. It's so much information overload. I don't know where to start... the camera or photoshop? I've been dabbling in both, and I'm not sure that's a good way to do it.

But if I can ever wrap my head around some of these new digital concepts, I can see lots of fun times ahead... I guess I will just have to keep plugging away, experimenting and having fun... someday it will all come together, right?

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

That's my name for Brayden these days. One minute he's an angel and cute as can be, the next minute he is in a screaming rage of anger or frustration.

It's been quite a shock to us the last few weeks.

I am also determined that he NOT become a spoiled-rotten-baby-of-the-family type of child. I've noticed that it's easy to let that happen. You do it without even realizing you are doing it.

So lately, life has gotten a bit tougher for him, and he doesn't like that. We make him take turns, we make him wait, and we make him share. Most of all, we don't always say "yes" to whatever he wants. And if we are having dessert after dinner, he doesn't get it if he doesn't eat. That's been a tough one for him... watching the older siblings get dessert and he gets nothing.

He actually got in really big trouble last Friday at school. I was so upset about it. My kids have a reputation for their good behavior at school. Don't get me wrong, they give me plenty of crap at home, but they behave at school. I've never had to deal with discipline issues at school with any of them. So, Friday night, we made a behavior chart. For one week, he has to be good. Not perfect, but overall, good, with minimal tantrums. If at the end of the day, I determine that he was good, he will get a sticker. Once he gets all seven stickers I will take him to Target for a small toy.

So, already he has earned two stickers. He has been close to losing them, but once he gets started into a fit we've reminded him that if he can't calm down quickly, he will lose his sticker for the day. It's been hard for him to calm himself down, but he's been doing it. I am hoping that each day will get a bit easier for him to stay calm and happy.

Of course, I anticipate a full meltdown in the store once he earns his toy becuase he NEVER wants something that is within the allowed budget. But, I will keep my fingers crossed that he can keep it together. But so far, the "sticker" threat works better than the "santa won't visit you if you are naughty threat". Who would have guessed that?

73 Lost Answers in 16 Hours of TV

I woke up this morning with a "Lost" induced hangover. I think I even dreamed about the show, but since I usually can't remember my dreams when I wake, I can't be positive. (It would not be the first time I've had dreams of the Island....)

Where do I begin? Last night was the much anticipated Season 6 Premiere of Lost. I have been anticipating this day for a long time. A LONG time.

It's the same kind of feeling I had leading up to the final book in the Harry Potter series. I was so anxious for answers and (hopefully) happy endings, yet I was nervous about how things would end, and once it was over, there was a void. Is that crazy?

The good thing about Lost is that I have 14 more TV hours of endings, so there will be plenty of time to savor the final season, I hope! And thanks to DVDs I can always splurge on the Lost TV collection at some point and start all over again. And it would be just as amazing the second time around, but even better because you would finally see all the clues that were carefully placed into the shows 1st season, that 5 years later we still don't' have answers for.

By the way, speaking of answers, the title of this post came from an E! interview I watched online this morning where Damon and Carlton promise at least 73 answers to "questions" that have been raised over the course of the show. I think I will go back and watch last nights episode again and start a running tally of answers I find. Of course, that might be more helpful if I had a list of questions... Click Here to see the online article for yourself, but be warned... if you missed the premiere last night, it contains spoilers... BIG ones!

Last night we had some friends over to watch the show. Holy Cow... watching it with friends is the only way to go! During each commercial we talked non-stop about theories, questions, insights, etc. And so many things I wouldn't have thought of on my own!

One thing didn't hit me will full force last night, but this morning as I was mulling over the mystery that is Lost, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Last night Robyn said something to the effect of this: "When does it hit Ben that when he was a kid, all these plane survivors that he is dealing with in the present were the ones who infiltrated the Dharma Initiative when he was a kid and that it was Sayid who shot him?"

Once you start mulling over the time travel stuff, and how circular in nature it can be, it starts to bring a lot of weird things to light. How back in Season 3 (I think?) Ben knows so much about Jack, Kate, Sawyer, etc. It's like he has been preparing for their arrival. And back in Season 3, the possibility of time travel hadn't entered the picture yet, so we weren't thinking of that as a possibility. I could spend all day mulling over that... and dang it, if I had those seasons on DVD that's what I'd be doing today... watching them over and over again trying to piece it all together.

But I digress... the last two paragraphs conjecture really didn't have anything to do with last night's show. It was just a new thought about the show from last season that blew me away!

Okay, so back to last night's show... if you haven't seen it yet and don't want any spoilers, stop reading now.

I loved seeing Boone and Claire again... hated watching Juliet die. The alternate reality (I got that concept from the new Star Trek movie, which incidentally was made by our very same JJ and Damon) on the airplane was surreal. Charlie trying to commit suicide... Desmond on the plane, but Shannon wasn't? Hurley was the "luckiest guy in the world"? HUH??? What are we supposed to think about or do with this alternate reality? I didn't really like it, to be honest. I guess it's because I can't figure out what the point of it is.

One big answer we finally got confirmed last night... the Smoke Monster. Now we know what it is and how it works... but what I want to know is WHY does it want to leave the island, and where does it think it's HOME is? Has anyone else noticed the strikingly similar comparison between Jacob and the Man in Black (aka Smokey, who is now pretending to be John Locke) and God/Jesus and Satan. Very interesting indeed.... (like the above picture? Except it appears that they've twisted the roles a bit for John Locke to be in the center of the table...)

Another positive development last night... everyone is back in the present time. Whew... that time travel business was starting to make me a little crazy. I can't wait for Sun and Jin to be reunited. And I read online this morning that we will get some more information about Claire, and that Claire and Sayid will have a common link. Huh? And I really want to see some old favorite characters again... Walt, Desmond, and Charlie. Yeah, I know Charlie's dead, but you never know, right?

But more questions.... is there a bigger group of Others living on the island that we never knew about? Are they connected to Richard and/or Ben? And I really think we deserve Richard's back story... was he a slave on the Black Rock? And is Charles Whidmore out of the picture, or will he come back? Is he really a bad guy? Will Ben do one noble thing before this show is over, or will he always be a manipulative liar, who in the end isn't going to get what he wants, anyway?

I could go on and on, but I can't sit here in front of my computer thinking about Lost all day. There is stuff to do! And I must get some healthy to eat besides a soda and chocolate PB chip cookies.

And one more gift for you Sawyer fans: click here for a YouTube clip dedicated to Sawyer's infamous nicknames!